The Munchie Olympics: Ranking the Best Stoner Snacks of All Time

Photo by KoolShooters

Let’s get one thing straight: there’s high—and then there’s hungry high. The kind where your taste buds turn into thrill-seeking adventurers and your kitchen becomes an Olympic arena of chaos, flavor, and very questionable combinations.

But not all snacks are created equal in the eyes of the stoned. Some are elite-tier fuel for the faded. Others? Straight-up imposters.

Welcome to The Munchie Olympics—a no-holds-barred ranking of the best stoner snacks of all time. We’ve judged each one on four very serious criteria: flavor explosion, texture euphoria, nostalgia vibes, and ability to disappear in 90 seconds or less.

Let the games begin.

Gold Medal: Frozen Sour Grapes

If you know, you know. This TikTok-approved snack slaps harder than most edibles. Just toss some green grapes in the freezer, then coat them in lime juice and sour sugar or citric acid powder. The result? A sweet-sour-cold crunch symphony that feels like Pop Rocks went to private school.

Pro tip: Store in a mason jar for peak stoner snacking aesthetics.

Silver Medal: Fruit Gushers

The GOAT of gooey snacks. Gushers are pure nostalgia, pure chaos, and pure pleasure. One second you’re chewing candy, the next you’re hit with a juice burst that tastes like synthetic rainbow nectar. They’re not even food. They’re an experience. And no one eats just one pack. Ever.

Pair with: A hybrid strain and a blank stare into the void.

Bronze Medal: Spicy Dill Pickle Chips

It’s the crunch. It’s the tang. It’s the fire. Spicy pickle chips bring just enough kick to wake up your stoned soul, and the salt levels are ideal for dry mouth recovery. Bonus points if you stack them into a sandwich made entirely from other chips.

Honorable Mention: Cosmic Brownies

High on sugar, low on actual nutrients, and built like a brick of processed perfection, Cosmic Brownies taste like childhood and probable regret. But when you’re high? They hit every serotonin receptor you’ve got.

Texture category: Fudge lava meets waxy delight. We’re not proud. But we’re not stopping.

Late Night Hero: McDonald’s Fries (Extra Salt)

Let’s not pretend they’re not iconic. McDonald’s fries, especially hot and heavily salted, are a universal stoner language. The real MVP is that bottom-of-the-bag handful that tastes like concentrated euphoria and pure sodium.

Stoner logic: “I’ll just get fries.” Orders a McDouble and flurry too.

The Weirdly Good: Cereal at Midnight

You ever eat Froot Loops straight from the box with no milk while watching conspiracy videos? Yeah. You’re not alone. Stoners love cereal—dry, wet, mixed, or crushed into baked goods. It’s versatile and makes you feel like a kid who owns the world (and a bong).

The Classic: Leftover Pizza

Cold or reheated, pizza is always there for you when you’re three bong rips deep and questioning your life choices. It’s the Beyoncé of munchies—reliable, dramatic, and ready for a remix.

Ranking boost: If you air fry it. Game changer.

Disqualified: Saltines

Let’s be honest—if you’re high and eating saltines, something’s gone wrong. They turn to dust, suck every last drop of moisture from your mouth, and offer zero flavor joy. If saltines are your munchie of choice, please seek help (and hydration).

Photo by KoolShooters

The Munchie Olympics aren’t just about food—they’re about feeling. That perfect moment where a snack hits your soul just right, music’s vibing, your high is peaking, and life feels almost too good to be legal.

So whether you’re team frozen grapes or Gushers for life, just remember: it’s not about what you eat—it’s about how stoned you are when you eat it.