That’s Not Gas, It’s Hemp: A Stoner’s Wake-Up Call

Photo by Deise Elen

A few months back, my best friend and I were in Miami. We’ve been going frequently for business, and on one of our trips, we ended up hanging with a group of people in the cannabis industry. Everything was cool. Chill vibes. Friendly faces. Weed being passed around like it was communion.

Next thing you know, they’re loading us up with samples of 3.5 bags of flower in the craziest branded packaging we’ve ever seen. We’re talking cosmic graphics, melting fonts, trippy strain names, full-on take me to space vibes. Naturally, we were hyped. You don’t drop packaging that loud unless the bud is gonna be louder, right? Wrong.

We got back to our Airbnb with a backpack full of what we assumed were fire strains and did what any weed nerds would do: rolled up a fatty of each, went for a late-night munchie walk, and lit up. Between the two of us, we smoked at least 4 grams straight to the dome. No lie.

And then… nothing.

Well, not nothing. About 20 minutes in, my throat was torched, my head was pounding, and I could feel a migraine setting in like a punch. My best friend turned to me like “yo, I don’t feel high at all… I actually feel sick.” And it hit us both: wait a damn minute…

I pulled a bag out of my pocket, and there it was, buried in the tiniest fine print ever:

“Hemp Flower. THC-A THC.”

BRUH.

You don’t even understand the level of betrayal.

Let’s Talk About Hemp “Weed” and Why It Ain’t It

Photo by Barbara Batári

Okay, here’s where we drop the knowledge, because this isn’t just a rant (even though it absolutely is), it’s also a PSA.

Delta-8 THC, and many other forms of “hemp-derived cannabinoids,” are legal loopholes. Under the 2018 U.S. Farm Bill, hemp (defined as cannabis containing less than 0.3% Delta-9 THC) was legalized federally. So brands got creative. Instead of growing real cannabis, they started chemically synthesizing other cannabinoids from hemp, like Delta-8, Delta-10, and even THC-O, so they could sell “legal highs” in states where weed is still banned.

Here’s the kicker: Delta-8 is not the same as Delta-9 (what we call regular THC).

Delta-8 is less potent, can be made in sketchy labs with solvents, and is often sprayed onto low-quality hemp flower to simulate a high. It’s not naturally abundant in hemp, so it’s manufactured. And when you burn that stuff? You’re not just getting weak weed, you’re potentially inhaling residual chemicals, solvents, or god-knows-what. And again, we’re not doctors, but our throats were on fire and we smoked a lot of real weed in our lives. That wasn’t it.

Hemp ≠ Cannabis. Let’s Be Clear.

Cannabis is a whole plant, rich in cannabinoids, terpenes, and years of research. Hemp flower is its less-potent cousin, mostly bred for industrial use (textiles, CBD oil, etc.) and now, unfortunately, hijacked to mimic weed in places where cannabis is still illegal.

So when brands slap psychedelic branding on hemp flower, call it Zaza from Mars, and pass it off like premium gas, it’s not just misleading. It’s trashy. It’s dishonest. And it’s crowding the cannabis space with products that shouldn’t be there.

If it doesn’t get you high, it’s not weed. If it gives you a headache and chemical burn, it’s definitely not weed.

Florida, WTF Are Y’all Doing?

Photo by Deise Elen

When we thought the worst part was over, we found out Florida voters recently failed to pass a bill that would have legalized adult-use cannabis. The state rejected progress again, meaning people can still legally buy Delta-8 pre-rolls from gas stations—but can’t buy regulated, lab-tested, real cannabis from a dispensary.

You’re allowed to buy hemp sprayed with mystery substances, but not a licensed eighth from a craft grower? Make it make sense. Honestly, it doesn’t.

Why We’re Staying Away from Hemp Weed

We're not saying all hemp is dangerous...but the way it's being used to pretend it's cannabis? That's dangerous. Not because it’ll kill you, but because it’s tricking people into thinking they’re consuming the real deal. People new to cannabis are out here thinking this dry, chemical-laced mid is what weed feels like. It’s not.

If you’re in a state where cannabis is illegal, we get the temptation. But just know what you’re inhaling. Look at the fine print. Do your research. And if you’re a brand out here pretending your hemp pre-rolls are “premium cannabis” just because you hired a good graphic designer? We see you. And no, we’re not impressed.

We came to Miami looking for vibes. We left with burnt throats, broken trust, and a newfound respect for fine print. So if no one else is gonna say it, we will: Stop calling hemp weed. Stop making it look like gas. And for the love of all that is sticky and loud, stop tricking stoners.