The Cousin Walk: The Holiday Tradition the Media Keeps Pretending Is New

Every year, like clockwork, you hit Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner and immediately remember why you mentally prepared for this moment. The house is loud. The food is not ready. Your family is already doing the most. And then you see your cousin give you that look. The cousin walk is about to happen.

For the cannabis community, the cousin walk has been around forever. It is the unofficial halftime show before you face the holiday chaos again. But every few years, the mainstream media suddenly wakes up and acts as if it's just uncovered a brand-new cultural phenomenon.

If you saw the CNN clip, you know exactly what I mean. They treat it like groundbreaking news, while everyone who has ever had cousins is just sitting here laughing.

This tradition is not new. It is survival.

Why Everyone Takes the Walk

Holiday gatherings are stressful. People talk too loud. Someone is always asking a question that makes you want to disappear. The cousin walk is the one moment of peace where you can breathe, reset, laugh about how unhinged your family is, and come back ready to face the dinner table.

It is also peak bonding time. You go out as distant relatives and come back acting like you survived war together. Every year the same thing happens. And every year it works.

Cousin Walk Essentials: Do Not Go Out Unprepared

If you know, you know. There are items every seasoned cousin walker brings to avoid getting caught slipping when you step back inside.

Gum or mints.

Your breath should not smell like a dispensary. Basic etiquette.

Body spray or a tiny travel fragrance.

The cheap stuff works. Anything to avoid smelling like "skunk cloud returns for dinner."

Hand sanitizer.

Because you are touching things outside and then eating with your hands. Also, it cuts lingering scents.

Eye drops.

Optional. Some cousins rock the glossy-eye confidence. Others prefer the safe route.

A lighter that actually works.

Do not ruin the walk with a half-dead lighter. That is cousin walk treason.

Water.

Cottonmouth and holiday small talk is a painful combo.

How to Return Without Getting Clocked

Walk in confidently.

People notice awkward energy, not red eyes.

Do not laugh at random things.

Keep it together for at least five minutes.

Go straight to the food.

The munchies excuse is built in. Use it.

Do not overdo it.

You still need to act normal around relatives who think CBD gummies are hardcore.

Why the Cousin Walk Will Never Die

It is consistent. It is comforting. It makes you like your family a little more for at least one night. And honestly, it makes the turkey taste like Michelin star cuisine. The cousin walk is not a trend. It is not a Gen Z creation. It is not something CNN discovered before the rest of us. It is a long-standing holiday ritual that has carried entire generations through awkward dinners and emotional chaos.

As long as families are messy, cousin walks will exist. And thank God for that.